J.A.M.

Posts Tagged ‘gay marriage’

Same Sex Marriage

Today two men that I know are getting married and it’s got me thinking once again about where I stand on the whole ‘issue’ of gay marriage. Why should it interest anyone what my views are though – (you may be thinking). True. What I believe on whatever subject is really of no importance or consequence in anyone’s life but I need to document these thoughts – if not only for myself. Now I fully understand the world view on same sex relationships and the whole “the Constitution says” debate and even the fact that people are free to choose who they want to spend their lives with. I understand too the plight of homosexual people when it comes to feeling shunned by society and judged by the ‘Church’ – for reasons I’ll explain …

Personally, I do not believe that ones sexual orientation is always a choice. There are factors in a young persons life which contribute to their understanding of themselves sexually. The old argument about the absence of a mother or father figure holds true in many cases. If a child is sexually abused or taken advantage of by someone of the same sex early in life it is very possible that that child will continue developing sexually along the same ‘path’ of what they have been exposed to. Their first sexual experience will contribute greatly to their development. Many argue that children, naturally curious, will experiment with each other sexually, sometimes with someone of their own gender. While this is sometimes true it should never be at the hands of someone who purposely receives sexual gratification from the sexual exploiting of children as that can unnaturally influence that young life in a direction that may not have been the path their life would have taken. I know this to be true because it is my personal experience…

At the age of 12 I had a ‘best friend’. We did everything together and were more like brothers than friends. He had been taken advantage of by his Uncle (although he did not see it as that at that time). He wanted to show me what his Uncle had shown him – and we experimented. Two 12 year old boys – on a Sunday School Camp of all places. Life went on. What had happened had no influence on my life at that stage and I soon forgot about it. At the age of 16 I was sexually abused by a well known man in the Broadcasting Industry in Johannesburg. He had taken advantage of my love for Radio and used it to win my trust. I did not see it as abuse at the time – as a matter of fact the excitement of all these new things I had not experienced before was in a weird way enjoyable. I did not realize that what was happening to me was interfering with my sexual development and altering my mindset sexually. He was a pedophile and was arrested for ‘abusing little boys’ as the press put it. I was one of those boys. The abuse happened over a period of a year and resulted in me becoming very withdrawn and insecure in myself. Two years later I joined the Army for my two years National Service. In the Army you adapt or die! There was no time for my insecurities and I soon became involved with a group of people who were ‘like me’. This was my introduction to what was a very underground culture back then. Most of the people I was mixing with and spending my time with were gay – very much frowned upon by society back then. I worked at two gay nightclubs during my Army years as DJ and got heavily involved in the whole ‘scene’. I left the Army as a very confused young man, not knowing who I was in many areas of my life. I felt lonely, misunderstood and insecure. I was lost.

During my early 20’s I continued on a path I knew was wrong, looking for answers to the many questions I had about life. I moved back in with ‘friends’ and back home and then back in with ‘friends’ again a few times during those years – looking for answers. My drug habit which had started during the Army had escalated out of control and I was kicked out of the house I was house sitting as a result of it. My life was a mess. For me personally – looking back after all these years – I trace my ‘decline’ back to my sexual abuse when I was 16. As I said at the start of this – I understand where gay people are coming from when it comes to the alienation associated with their lifestyle. I also understand that it is not always a choice to be gay. I did not choose to have the attractions I had back then. I did not choose what I for many years thought was my sexual orientation. What I have learned though is that what one does with that orientation is a choice. I chose to throw myself into the whole ‘scene’ back then and ended up feeling used (many times) and abused.

In 1987 my life changed. I had been brought up in the Church and because of this and the fact that my Dad was a Minister I had always thought I was a Christian. Nothing could have been further from the truth though as I was living my life very pointedly for ‘me’ – satisfying my own selfish needs and desires in whatever way I could find to, all the time hurting and disillusioning those who were closest to me – my family and friends who really cared. One morning, following a night of excessive drug use I woke up feeling very convicted within myself of the wrong in my life. I knew the truth. I knew my life was a mess and that I needed God to be at the centre of it. I returned home to my parents determining to sort my life out. I visited a Minister friend of my fathers, broke down emotionally in his office and consciously decided to give my life to God that day and with His help, to sort myself out. It was not an easy time as I constantly heard the ‘voices of my past’ calling me back and many times I backslid to the life I had been living earlier, each time more and more aware that it was not the life I wanted. I began desiring to live a life that was pleasing to God – the life that He had created me to live. During this time a particular verse from Scripture became very important to me – Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart.” Despite all my running away from Him through the years He still had plans for me and over time has helped me to realize my dreams in many areas of my life. As a young boy I had wanted to work in the broadcasting industry and in particular, Radio. He has helped me to realize that dream and today I am a Broadcaster and also operate a recording studio from home. I believe I am doing what I was created to do and it is such an awesome thing to feel on a daily basis that I am living at the centre of His will for my life. In the early 90’s God brought a wonderful woman into my life and today we have been married for 16 years. We both share the same love for music and service to God and the old selfish desires I used to live to please are gone. This does not mean that I have not made mistakes through the years. I have failed and the only reason I am able to talk about it today is because all of this has become my Testimony – my story which I share whenever I can to help others understand that God does not want us to come to Him perfect or even once we have ‘sorted ourselves out’. We could never do that on our own. God wants us ‘warts and all’ as they say. He is in the business of ‘fixing’ us – we cannot fix ourselves (or anyone else for that matter – a painful lesson I have learned down through the years).

So – coming back to the gay marriage issue… I have needed to share the above to put my thinking on this matter in perspective – to show that I do understand what is involved here – that I am not just being bigoted in some of my thinking. Do I understand that some people find themselves enveloped in the whole gay ‘scene’ out of no choosing of their own? Yes. Do I believe that a persons sexual orientation is not always a choice they have themselves made? Yes – who would willingly choose a life of ridicule and exclusion…? Do I understand that a person could be ‘born gay’? I’m not sure about this one… A person can be born physically deformed, missing a hand or a foot or anything else for that matter that sees them not being a perfectly formed baby. Could genes also be ‘deformed’ at birth then? I’m not sure. I do believe though that a persons sexual development is very often influenced by things they have experienced in their formative years – abuse etc. Do I believe that two people of the same sex are meant to live together in a sexual relationship, living their lives as a man and woman should? While the ‘world’, on political grounds of things like equality and human rights say it is acceptable, I have to say that from a Christian point of view, when looking at what God has to say on the subject, my answer would have to be “No”.

Now I fully understand that not everyone is a Christian. Not everyone has chosen to or is desiring to live a life that is pleasing to God – that’s the wonder of a relationship with God. He loved us enough to give us the choice of whether to follow Him or not. We are free to choose Him or choose the world and our own ideas for how we should live. Gods Word is very clear on the subject of homosexuality though whether we want to accept that or not. We have all sorts of ways of rationalizing what His Word says. We argue that it was written for the people of ‘that time’ and declare that times have changed – all things which assist us in refashioning a Gospel with which we are comfortable. Gods Word is not meant to be a ‘comfortable’ thing though. It contains direction, instruction and correction for our lives. Once we surrender to Him, he helps us to live the lives He intended. Along that road is the Peace we search for in life down so many ‘off the beaten track’ roads. If we do surrender our lives to him totally, He will direct us and grow us into the people He created us to be. It may be a painful path to travel at first but over time it is the most rewarding relationship anyone could ever desire – and it comes with the promise of a life hereafter – something not possible without a living relationship with Jesus. Can somebody who has been entangled in the web of lies and deceit called ‘homosexuality’ be set free from it and turn away from it? I believe the answer is a resounding ‘Yes”! That’s what repentance is all about. The word repentance means literally doing a 180 degree turnabout and walking in the opposite direction. It can be done! The lie people are so often fed is that you cannot change – “I am what I am” is the biggest lie of all time! God is in the business of changing lives and He wants to change yours. The choice though is yours – He gives you that choice freely.

So, in short, do I think gay marriage is ‘right’? In Gods eyes (the only way I can really look at it) I do not believe it is. God designed marriage to be between a man and a woman for the purpose of the two becoming one in order to further the human race. Any other reasons for marriage are outside of His plans for humanity and are worldly creations and perversions of his plan and are in essence a direct mockery against Gods purposes for us. Deep down I believe that homosexuality in general is an entrapment and a cage many people find themselves living in. It is an enslaved lifestyle. A lifestyle that is totally opposed to true freedom which is what God is all about. God is all about setting people free from cages though! He is all about freedom – and even a homosexual can be set free!

While these views may not be popular with many and are actually views some see as ‘hate speech’ – they are views which have brought true freedom into my life and are what I believe to be true based on my understanding of Gods Word. If you would like to talk to me further about this please feel free to leave a comment here or contact me on gubbles@mweb.co.za